Yeah, so...
Men are morons...
Well, not ALL men. My dad was pretty cool...
I should have learned, by now, after everything that I've been put through, to trust my instincts. Nope. That lesson hasn't been thoroughly slammed home, apparently. I am so done with liars. Just done. (Warning: The following post may contain man-bashing, cussing, and will most definitely be a rant!)
"Mindy"...
Mindy is the reason my boyfriend hasn't made a sexual advance toward me in almost a month; I practically had to beg him for sex, last time, and that was almost a week ago... Mindy is the reason he has been on his phone more often than not. Mindy is the reason he got grabby when I picked his phone up off the shelf, the other day, to plug it into the charger... (Which was another mistake he made...that just screams "I'm hiding something!")
Though, when I think about it, I was never really blind. I've had a nagging feeling in the back of my head for at least the last couple weeks. My instincts have been telling me to back away. I just didn't do it. That stupidity lies solely on me. Live and...do the same things over and over again, apparently. Oy!
I've had this feeling that he's been unfaithful for a while now. Never had the proof, til a couple weeks ago (even that was "sketchy"...all I could prove was that he was flirting, online, with another woman: Mindy). Yes, I found that information in all the wrong ways. I snooped. It was wrong, but he would have lied to me if I had just asked him about it. Still, I invaded his privacy and I regret doing it; not the act itself, honestly, but I really wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.
I even went so far as to contact this "Mindy" person. She, of course, denied everything, until I told her that she has nice tits in her pink tank top. Yeah, bitch, caught you in a lie, too. They've "been friends for a while. Never met, no plans to meet." ...riiiiight. Whatever you say, sweetie.
This isn't about her, though...or the indiscretion. This is about the fact that, when I brought up that he flirts a lot online, he denied it. He looked me in my eyes and said, "I talk to a lot of people, but I never flirt." Fucking LIAR!
All he would have had to say is..."Yeah, I flirt, but that's all it is. I come home to you"...or something similar and NONE of this would have happened. I wouldn't have gone through his phone. I wouldn't have seen proof that he's planning to meet this woman and that he wants to "spank her" because she's a "naughty little girl for showing" him her tits and pressing his "horny button". Fuck my life. Ew.
I've been nothing but faithful to him, and believe me, I've had the chances...notice the pluralization. I get up before him to make breakfast and start coffee for him. I make sure he's taken care of when he's sick or in pain. I make him laugh when he's "blah"... Not saying I'm perfect, but God Dammit, I've been GOOD to him. He thanks me by doing shit behind my back.
Motherfucker, if you want to flirt, then fucking FLIRT! I don't give a damn! But don't LIE to me, to my face, about it. Pull up your MeetMe profile and your POF profile and whatever else you have, and talk to the bitches while I'm in the room, so I know you have nothing to hide. And, hey! If you get nervous that I'm going to see what your saying to this other woman, maybe you SHOULDN'T BE SAYING IT TO HER!!! That's your conscience's way of saying, "This is wrong! Knock it off!"
My cop friend (yes, that one) invited me out for a ride-along, last night, but I didn't go. Why? Because I didn't feel right doing it, knowing that my man was at home. I made that decision, not based on what I wanted (really, really wanted to go) but rather on how it would make my man feel. Why is that so fucking hard for his tiny brain to comprehend!? It doesn't matter what you want to do, sometimes; sometimes it matters how your actions are going to affect those you love.
Don't do something that you know is going to upset your significant other, just for the sake of "I do what I want!" ...ok, Cartman! Fucking CHILD!
Teenage bullshit! "I shouldn't be doing this, because my mommy would be mad, but I'm going to do it anyway, because I'm a fucking badass! Look how Badass I am! :P"
So, now, the decision I have to make, on my own, is whether or not to confront him, AGAIN, but with proof, this time... I don't know. Maybe I should just throw his shit outside and lock the door. Or throw it in the burn bin... No, I won't destroy his stuff. Taking away his roof and access to a vehicle would be enough of a kick to the face.
Or, do I take the high ground and try to talk through this? Do I try to get him to come clean with me, to confess? Then what? Do I reward the bad behavior (cheating) or the good (honesty) by letting him stay? Or, do I say nothing and just do a little indiscretion of my own? (That would be vindictive, yes, I know...)
You know what the kicker, here, is?
I asked him, when we first got together, what he considers "cheating"...everyone has their own boundaries, and it's a good idea to know what those boundaries are so they aren't crossed, accidentally.
He said: "Talking to any other man as if you were talking to me." He doesn't care that I have guy friends, as long as I don't talk about how much I want their cock. (lol, sorry, I'm 12: COCK!) So, by his own definition, he has cheated on me! What kind of fuckery is that?!
I just...
What?!
Jesus Christ.
THIS IS WHY I MISS BEING SINGLE!
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