Something happened tonight that got me thinking...and probably over-thinking. My stomach is in knots, which is raising red-flags, and my instincts are screaming for me to pull back because I'm going to get hurt. I'm trying to ignore it, simply because I'm having these feelings because they are preconceived and based solely on how somebody other than my current partner has treated me. He has been nothing but caring and genuine...he's not the one who hurt me...
But it still hurts.
My Partner has a lot of female friends, which is totally cool, because I have more guy friends than girl friends. Not even a problem. I am, however, uncomfortable with the fact that he is spending the night at one of his "just friends" houses, tonight.
I trust him. He's never given me reason not to, but I am extremely uncomfortable with him staying over at another female's house. I know he would be upset if I were to spend the night with another man. That is exactly why I wouldn't sleep over at another man's house; I don't want him to be uncomfortable. It's something we're supposed to do, right? We're supposed to make sure we don't do anything that would cause them pain...?
Now, something else that bothers me about tonight is that he immediately went on the defensive when I told him that I was uncomfortable with the situation. "You gonna get pissed because I'm hanging out with a friend?" Didn't say I was mad. I said I was uncomfortable. I'll never, ever tell him who he can and cannot be friends with. He has a life separate from me, just as I have a life separate from him.
The problem I'm having, here, is not that I think he's going to cheat on me; the problem I'm having is that he got defensive when I expressed my discomfort, that he didn't ask my opinion (not permission) before he made the decision to stay with her, and that he is totally nonchalant about the whole thing. He doesn't seem to mind that it's causing me pain.
Most of this is just conjecture and emotional expression. However there are a few facts that I can't ignore, here:
He's told me that his ex-wife accused him of cheating.
He was Article 15'ed from the Army for alleged adultery.
He's staying with another female, tonight.
We haven't been intimate for almost 10 days.
We had a disagreement before he decided to go over to her house.
He's never given me reason not to trust him.
He's promised not to break my trust.
I'm not sure what to do. We've only been together for 3 weeks, but we're already living together. This is something I'm willing to work through, but I'm not going to budge on the fact that he is doing something that I am very weary about, something that is causing me near-physical pain, and he hasn't said a word to me since he left, nor does he seem to care that I don't like him being there. I'm trying not to work myself into a frenzy, because I'm going to need to approach this delicately. I do not want to fly off the handle and start tossing accusations at him as soon as he walks in the door, tomorrow morning.
I want to be able to talk this through, rationally, but I get the feeling that he's going to go on the defensive, again, and we're going to have a blow-out.
This is why I stayed single for so damn long...
Too much drama.
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