I'm in love. It's awful, I know. The cynic, the anti-love, anti-commitment, sarcastic woman that my friends have come to know is In Love. Ugh. You know what, though? I'm still jaded, and I'm still a cynic; everything's just a bit more..."Shiny" now.
Ten Years ago, I would have kept my opinions to myself, so I didn't scare off My Life.
Eight years ago, I would have been google-eyed and tripping over myself to make sure My Man was happy.
Five years ago, I would have been too afraid to speak, because I didn't want Master to get angry.
Two years ago, I would have told The Bastard to fuck off.
Last year, I would have fucked It and walked...
Today, I'm happy because I think I've found the balance between bitter and optimistic, jaded and naive, trust and blindness. My Partner and I support each other. He's caring and kind, if not a bit egotistical, sometimes. He loves me for me, but he can be a bit self-centered, on occasion. He's got great stories, and he's got great One-Uppers, too. I'm not so blinded by the emotion that I don't see his faults. I don't love him any less because of them, either.
In the 11 years since I started becoming really interested in the opposite sex (loss of virginity will certainly spike that, won't it? sheesh!), I've gone through a lot of bullshit and heartache. I've blamed myself, when it definitely wasn't my fault. I've blamed the man when if most definitely was my fault. I've "grown up" (Yuck! Take it back! Take it back!) a lot, too. I no longer believe my man hangs the moon, but he damn well better hang his own laundry!
I understand that we're only human. We can't expect anything out of our Other (not Better) Half that we're not willing to do ourselves. If your lover doesn't meet your expectations, reconsider them. Are they over-the-top? Maybe, maybe not. Don't abandon your partner, though, just because they can't follow your expectations. That's your problem more than it is theirs. If it's a deal-breaker, HELP THEM.
My deal-breaker is volatile anger and drinking problems. I will not, absolutely refuse to be near anyone who can't hold their liquor. I won't stay with anybody who has the tendency to fly off the handle at the drop of a hat. I did it, once. For eight years! Nope. Not again. My Partner has anger problems.
I talk to him about it. I encourage him to let the little things go, and I can see that he's trying to keep his anger controlled. He does a great job, most of the time. When it flares, though, I walk away. I do not argue with him when he's looking for a fight. I do not put up with it, either. Once he's mellowed out, again, I talk to him about it, and how it makes me feel, and we work it out.
I think the best part about this relationship is how well we complement each other. He's excitable and I'm mellow. I'm grounded and he has his head in the clouds. He's playful and I'm serious. I'm a loner, and he loves a party. We're able to find an excellent balance, and I've never had so much fun with someone, doing absolutely nothing, in my life. We butt heads, sometimes, over little things (like driving; I don't trust anyone's driving, except my own), but we accept the fact that we're adults and we're different, and move on.
We've moved fast, going from dating for a week to living together. It's scary and amazing. I think he's The One, but I'm not going to marry him. I'm not going to marry anybody, ever again. I'm perfectly content with spending the rest of my life with someone without a piece of paper.
He's been married twice, before.
I don't know where he stands on getting married, again, but that's something we can talk about, later.
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