Living with Chronic Pain...

Hurting all the time fucking sucks.

Doctors brushing off my concern about my pain as "you just need to lose weight" sucks even more.

I'm not in pain because of my weight. I'm overweight because of my pain.

6 years ago, before the car accident, I was quite a few lbs lighter. I was healthy. I was able to go hiking and cook dinner and just walk around without wanting to lie down and die. Nowadays, I can barely stand for more than 20 minutes without my left leg feeling like it's on fire.

For a while, I went to the doctor and said "look, my back is killing me..." and they'd send me home with muscle relaxers, narcotic pain killers, and anti-inflammatory meds (or any combination of the three). Nothing really worked. It would "take the edge off" for a couple hours, then I'd be back to being in pain.

When I switched doctors, the first thing I mentioned was that I thought I had sciatica. She looked me up and down, and said: "A weight loss of as little as 10% could really help with the pain," I scoffed, because I weighed nearly 40% less than I do, now, when the pain started, but I humored her. I started forcing myself to walk more. I took the dog to the park, I rode my bike, I went hiking. Two weeks into the exercise regiment, I was in the ER with pain so severe that I couldn't stand. They drugged me up and sent me home.

My doctor insisted that I keep up the exercise, even though it actually made the pain worse, and added specific Sciatic Pain relieving stretches to the mix. I did that the stretches for nearly six months, with the pain getting progressively worse, every day...

Eventually, I stopped mentioning the pain, or even going to the doctor for it. I've gotten the same thing from every doc I've visited: "Lose weight, and you'll feel better. Do these stretches, and you'll feel better. Take this muscle relaxer, and you'll feel better."

I did all that. I don't feel better. If anything, I feel worse.

I go through my days, gritting my teeth, and biting back my complaints, because I know nothing will be done about it. I can whine, all day, and nothing will help. So, I take the maximum daily dosage of OTC pain meds, I drink alcohol, and when I can get my hands on them, I swallow narcotic pain killers like candy. I only ever get a couple hours of relief at a time, but for those few hours, I feel like I'm in heaven. Living pain-free is truly amazing!

I've never been X-rayed, I've never had an MRI. Nobody has taken my complaints seriously enough to say "alright, let's get some diagnosis done on you"...

They just see an overweight, 30-something, who is looking for pain pills, again. I gave up trying to get a referral to an Osteopath out of my primary doctor. I've taken matters into my own hands, and am working on making an appointment, myself... I'm sure it'll be a waste of time, but I cannot take this pain anymore. I can't do anything without hurting. I can't play with my nieces and nephews; I can't even cook dinner. I can barely walk to the car...

Me being in pain has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME BEING OVERWEIGHT!