I was raised in a misogynistic household. Sure, my father taught me how to throw a ball, and work on cars, and he made sure that I had dreams...as long as my dreams included being a wife. Because, through all the lessons he taught me, it always remained clear: a woman's place was in the home.
As we would work on the car, he would say little things that I would smile and nod at, because I was too young to truly understand the meaning of them.
"We'll teach you how to change your own oil, so you can take care of yourself until a husband comes along."
"You need to know how to change your tire, just in case it blows out when your husband isn't with you."
I didn't understand what he meant, only that he wanted his daughter to know how to take care of herself. Best father ever!
As I got older, and got into my first serious relationship, my father stopped teaching me things.
"You have your boyfriend, now. You don't need to know that."
I was hurt by it, because I only saw that my dad didn't want to spend time with me.
I didn't get it. My father, for as good a man as he was, was a misogynist. I carried those values with me through a lot of my social interactions. I never expressed my opinion around boys at school, but would talk animatedly with other girls. Even now, as a 30-year-old woman, I have a hard time speaking up, sometimes. I'm getting better.
A man sent me a message on a dating site, the other day, so I checked out his profile. As soon as I saw that he was still married, I sent him a simple message...well, here, I'll let you read the exchange for yourself:
The test he is referring to is a joke I have at the beginning of my profile. It states that there will be a test afterwards, because my profile is...basically a novel. His response to my "You're married." message seems pretty innocuous, but I've been down this road before.
Whoa. Just...whoa, dude.
That came out of left field. He was interested in me, until I turned him down flat. It took me several tries to get the message worded correctly, too. I am very careful when I turn men down, because of this reason. I hate being flat-out insulted because men can't handle the idea that a woman doesn't want to talk to them. My first thought was, "Hey, that hurt." Then, I was angry. I am fed up with these little boys who think that women are here to serve them. I usually don't respond to these types of messages, but this time:
This time I spoke up. I tried to stay as civil as possible, but that didn't last long. I am so boiled-over with anger at men that I cannot continue to sit on the wall and not say anything. This time, I stand up. This time, my voice will be the loudest one in the room.
Women deserve to be able to have a normal exchange with someone, without fear that they are going to be personally insulted, the second their opinion doesn't line up with the male's. Women deserve the same respect as men, period. We deserve to be heard, and listened to.
No, I'm not a feminazi. I'm not a bitch. I'm not any of those other colorful words which have been thrown my way. I am a woman, and a human being, and I deserve respect. I deserve to have the same voice as a man's, and I deserve to have my opinion valued. I don't deserve to be called fat or ugly, just because I didn't swoon when a man spoke to me.
I deserve to be treated like a fucking human being, because that's what I am!
You don't have to be nice to me, or any other woman, just don't be an asshole.
It's really not that hard to not be an asshole.
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