Delicious Pain

I have to get this written down somewhere before the memory fades. This is the *actual* dialogue from my visit to the ER last night. This couldn't have been any better if it had been scripted. Here goes:

*Backstory: Went to the Er at one hospital...waited 2 hours. Said screw it, and went to another one in my hometown, because it's never busy @ 3am. Got sent straight back...you know the drill, right? They check vitals, get a pee sample, etc, etc., ask you if you need anything for the pain, in which my response is "PLEASE! Just not Vicodin. That crap makes me itchy." Then a nurse comes in with a vial and a needle in hand...*

Me: But, I don't like needles (whiny voice, very key to the story)

Nurse: (her name was Saint, btw. too cool.) Then I guess you'll just have to be in pain. (With a smile on her face, in a joking tone.)

Me: Alright, fine. (insert dramatic sigh) I'll take the needle. (looks to Crystal) She drives a hard bargain. (we all chuckle)

(The nurse then explains that the shot is one that goes "in the derriere" because it "has some bite to it" and needs to be injected into a large muscle...and I whine, again. I turn over and she jabs, and I mean baseball swings that bitch, into my right cheek. [note: I *may* be exaggerating for effect. lol] Of course, it hurts and I jump.)

Nurse: Don't move! I'll just have to do it twice, then! (I can hear the playful sarcasm, and at that moment decide, "I like her.")

Me: *scoff* Well, I'm sorry, but when something pokes me in the butt, I tend to want to get out of the way!

(short moment of silence)

Nurse: That's a good idea. (laughs) If you rub it, the muscle will absorb the medicine quicker.

(another pregnant pause, in which I am just *waiting* for Crystal to say something sarcastic.)

Crystal: You want me to come over there and rub your butt. (And there it is! lol)

Nurse to Crystal: If you guys are just friends, you're an aweful good one! (She laughs and walks out of the room)

Yeah, so. There ya have it! I will be playing this dialogue over and over again in my head for a *long* time. We laughed for 20 minutes in the hospital...we laughed about it one the way to breakfast, and we laughed about it during the meal. It was EPIC! XD

Moral of the story? Every time Crystal and I are together, it's nothing if not memorable. LOL!