What is my first topic going to be about?
Should this be another one of those whiny, "woe is me" blogs? Or an insightful, uplifting blog?
I have no idea...
What the hell am I doing on the computer at 11:30pm, writing about nothing, anyway? Shouldn't I be sleeping? Yes, I should, but I have mild ADD, and absolutely terrible insomnia. There's always a reason (excuse?) for not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
This is Julie and Julia's fault, actually. I finished watching the movie, and decided, for an unknown reason, I should start a blog. Everybody else is doing it, right? I give it six months, tops, before I lose interest and move on to some other out-dated fad. Of course, there's always the chance that I'll stay interested...but that's slim, at best.
Besides, my life isn't glamorous, exciting, or any other uplifting adjective. It's average on good days, and up the creek without a paddle on most others. (Oh, look! A "woe is me" blog, it is!)
I live my life one day at a time, and always look on the bright side of things, even if "bright" is merely a weak star on a moonless night. (Or is it the uplifting one? I'll figure it out eventually.)
I used to be what is now referred to as "emo." I grew up, realized that everybody has problems that nobody wants to hear about, and stopped complaining about much of anything. Life moves on, the world keeps turning, even if you don't get out of bed in the morning. Every individual is forgettable. Even, and especially, those who believe they are not.
I culled my life of people who had forgotten me, and stopped taking on the problems of others. I made a resolution (one that started as a New Year's gig, and has been going strong for nearly five years) to make myself happy for a change; to do what I want, when I want to do it. The only person I matter to in the end, is me, so why should I look out for anyone else?
It backfired at first, but eventually everybody adjusted to my new attitude. My friends, the ones that matter, understood my selfishness, and let me get away with murder...for a little while. I've since been able to balance things better. I'm no longer a doormat, but I'm not always the shoe, either.
My long-time boyfriend was the one who had the hardest time adjusting to the "new" me. We fought, a lot, for a few months. He eventually realized that I wasn't his enabler anymore, and we are stronger than ever. I love him. I live for him. Mostly, though, I respect him. And that's what really matters, kids. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
If you're in it for the long haul, that's what will get you through. It's not trust (Sorry, Dr. Phil!), it's respect. If you respect your spouse, you won't cheat on them. If you respect your boss, you won't find vague excuses to call in. If you respect your parents, you won't be reluctant to answer your phone when your mother calls, just to say hello.
I suppose that's enough verbal diarrhea for the moment. It's taken me nearly 45 minutes to write this (Transporter 3 is on and Jason Statham is quite distracting), and I have more important things to do after all.
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